I f you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear (of laughter) to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course....


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily .

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In Bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do In bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.

Excellent Russ - very funny stuff!

Classic!

I miss Charley Weaver.

Most excellent. I'm sorry I missed out on this show when it was in its prime!

I used to really enjoy the "original" cast of Hollywood Squares. I still remember one of Paul Lynde's comebacks like it was yesterday:

Q: Everyone knows that when a man falls off a ship it is customary to say "man overboard!" What do you say when a woman falls overboard?

Paul Lynde: Full speed ahead!

Charley was my hero. Although, I never knew what he was famous for prior to the Squares.

I wouldn't say that the "responses were spontaneous". The people back then just seemed to have better delivery - and the comebacks, I believe, were their own. I remember reading the credits way back then, and it said that they were advised before the show what the questions would be.

Charlie was the caretaker of the house on the Jack Benny show was I was very young - always in the basement near the furnace.

ritch

Somehow that is precisely the answer I would expect Paul Lynde to make...

A little Charley trivia:

Charley Weaver had the distinction of being the only one of the show's permanent regulars...to be, in fact a character. He was played by Cliff Arquette, the unlikely patriarch of an acting family. (He's the father of Lewis and--believe it or not--grandfather of Rosanna, Patricia and David.) But this was a character that linked the Squares to television's earliest days. Arquette played his Charley Weaver character as a regular on The Dennis Day Show, The Tonight Show (during the Jack Paar years), and the 1962 incarnation of The Roy Rogers/Dale Evans Show. He also popped up in that character in guest shots on shows ranging from Dragnet to The Andy Williams Show. If the Squares were a party, Charley would be the grandfather your parents left to watch after you...then when they left, he might get a couple of drinks in him and tell you every dirty joke he's ever heard.

Arquette was born in Toledo, Ohio in December 1905, but it's the town of Mount Ida, Arkansas that owes its place in American culture to him. That's because his Weaver character developed as a man who was always reading letters from his "Mount Idy Mama." Arquette later said he was inspired by a friend of his mother, who wrote letters from Mount Idy which were read to the whole family. So he often read those in character to Jack Paar or Dennis Day. Arquette also appeared in numerous old-time radio programs, including Fibber McGee & Molly, Lum and Abner and Point Sublime, a 1946 small-town comedy that co-starred Mel Blanc. As "Charley Weaver," Arquette starred in Dave and Charley (1952) as well as a 1955 NBC summer show called Do It Yourself, a combination comedy/how to program that looks like an early forerunner to the fictitious "Tool Time with Tim Taylor" on Home Improvement.

During his later years Arquette, a Civil War buff, owned a Civil War museum in Gettysburg. He also lent his character's name and face to endorsements of garden tools and charcoal briquettes.

Weaver/Arquette was on The Hollywood Squares when it debuted on NBC in October 1966. Except for a nine-month leave of absence in 1973, he stayed on the show until his death in September 1974.

But they haven't entirely forgotten him in Mount Ida, where they still hold a yearly celebration that, until 2000, was called"Charley Weaver Day."

I never knew that Charley was a "character". Fascinating stuff! It does make me further question something I was curious about (as a young lad) ... He must have given the correct answer 99% of the time. So, I always wondered if he really was that smart about trivia and current events, or if maybe he was fed the answers in advance. Either way ... it made for good entertainment.

Seeing Whoopi in teh center square isn;t the same as seeing Paul there, that's for sure.

I think I remember that the questions were generally geared toward the occupant's areas of interest, both to provide a good answer, and to provide a good jumping off point for a joke!

They were actually given many of the questions in advance.

I love Hollywood Squares! I've never seen the oldschool episodes though. Are there ever re-runs?

Game Show Network, perhaps...

Thanks, Sam. I will check it out.

Another great member of that show was Walley Cox - played a character named Mr. Peepers on early TV.

One line was - within 5 years can you tell how old the Pyramid is? He answered, I can do it within 5 seconds.

ritch

Paul was the main reason I would watch the show. His timing
and attitude was histerical! Here's a couple more from him:


Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?

Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there's an intruder on your property?
Paul Lynde: There's no better way!

Peter Marshall: In "Alice in Wonderland", who kept crying "I'm late, I'm late?"
Paul Lynde: Alice, and her mother is sick about it.

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?
Paul Lynde: They're so cold!

Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?
Paul Lynde: A little show of affection...

Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn't true. What?
Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence...

Peter Marshall: Paul, Snow White...was she a blonde or a brunette?
Paul Lynde: Only Walt Disney knows for sure...

Peter Marshall: Promethius was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a "good will mission," but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?
Paul Lynde: Pat's room .

Peter Marshall: True or false, cow's horns are used to make ice cream.
Paul Lynde: You mean those weren't chocolate chips?

Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose"cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!